Doing oneself or being done to by another?

Sometimes I find myself wondering about when I need to have some input from “outside”, knowing there is no outside,  and when I need to keep my own counsel and reach within myself for healing.

When is it appropriate to ask for help and how and from whom?

My experience shows me the answer in a beautiful interweaving of connections and encounters which all show up at the right time in the right place.

There is such a plethora of healing modalities about these days, it’s difficult to choose if you have to do it from the thinking / analyzing mind.

From within me comes the impulse, the desire to approach one or other person for help or healing. Last year, from within me came the impulse to ask Jeshua for help to heal after years of being in and out of hospitals, having tests and being diagnosed with a cancerous tumour which was running my life and causing untold pain and disruption, not to mention that I also had a pretty poor prognosis.

I had seen a doctor who took the time to explain the letter of discharge from the hospital after one of my usual stays – and the outlook was pretty dire from the conventional medical point of view. Another doctor I’d seen was alternative but he too was pressurising me to accept his expensive treatment because of the prognosis. I came away feeling empty. I meditated and breathed into the feeling and found that what was required was my own participation in my healing.

I’d gone to bed early and awoke after midnight. I rose and sat down to meditate and pray. And there came from deep within me this  sudden plea to Jeshua for healing. I said to him: “Jeshua, I am ready to heal my mind. Show me how.” Jeshua, also known as Jesus, is my guide and support and provides the teachings for the Way of Mastery through Jon Marc Hammer, Jayem.

The very next day (he works fast!), I received an unexpected phone call to inform me that there was some money available to me which  was enough to cover the cost both of my flight to Bali and of the  Palpable Forgiveness of the Way of Mastery workshop with Jayem – – which would be taking place in a month’s time. I had already worked with Jayem, so I knew his masterful approach would leave no stone unturned to help me discover the taproots of my affliction.

My time in Bali at the Alam Cinta Ashram in Ubud was a true turning point. As I was told upon enrolling, “You will not be the same after the workshop”.  This turned out to be an understatement! The depth at which we communicated on the workshop was unparalleled by any other experience I’d ever had. I discovered the emotional gain I’d been having from being ill – and while this seems most obvious, it was not easy for me to face, hence my denial and my willingness to settle for less. I had settled for less for years! I had begun to accept chronic illness and unhappiness as necessary evils.

Now, over a year later, my life has changed completely. My health is immeasurably improved, I am happy and  I am aiming high! By this I mean simply that I desire to be and extend Love.  I have been shown how to heal the body by changing my mind, how to cultivate the Love that I am as a remembrance practice, a new circle of friends has appeared. I am surrounded by people who are aligned with my highest ideal of myself. I have been introduced to another healing modality which is awesomely effective: Divine Healing as practised by Nicolas David Ngan ( and Ahlmeirah Ariel Hallaire (

One of the deciding elements of changing my mind was the decision I took to start appreciating my life and feeling gratitude for all things, even the things and situations and people which seemed to be negative or adverse to me. Thus the chronic illness which has brought me to this point is a reason for gratitude, for thanks to the suffering being so awful, I wanted to change. Any situation which presses my “buttons” I now welcome with relish, for it allows me to light up the darkest corners of the self which causes the suffering and tries to obscure the Self which is the seat of Joy, Peace, Love. And in that lighting up, the darkness melts away!

So the part we play in our healing is crucial. We have to be ready to heal and then  tools come, money shows up, support is given in myriad ways, miracles occur, people are sent our way, information pours in. It all becomes effortless and in this effortlessness comes   the Joy, comes the Love, comes the Trust  which raises us up to a frequency where suffering is no longer  necessary and happiness is possible.